I think that black men especially, have always felt the need to act manly, dominant and sometimes even, aggressive.
Not only was I not white, I also didn’t possess the effeminate and ‘camp’ mannerisms that the men on these shows displayed, and were so loved for. Any feminine qualities I once possessed, I had been taught to hide. I had nothing in common with the gay men represented in mainstream media. Most were depicted as overtly feminine, white males and I just couldn’t relate to these personas. I remember my parents once saying that they liked ‘gay, white men’, (having seen and embraced these token comedic characters on tv) but ‘felt sick’ at the idea of a gay, black man. What I knew of gay culture, growing up, came from homosexual characters featured in British television sitcoms. Growing up I often questioned my sexuality although I recognised and accepted my attraction to men, I knew from a young age, that there would come a time when my parents would discover I was gay, and that this would be a significant and extremely difficult moment in my life.
Jamel on his experience as a gay, black manĪs a homosexual man of British-Caribbean decent, I have struggled my entire life to satisfy the expectations of the black community, while still staying true to my gay self.
